Always Love

More often than not, music defines my life's moments. I've shared this many times with people close to me. This is one reason why music is very important to me, and I am definitely one of those people who cannot live without it. At any given day, music is able to successfully set my mood. It has been a healer, a confidant, a companion, and more importantly, a friend. It can easily transcribe my emotions into words, give a definition to feelings I have yet to understand, and express those I have yet to acknowledge are there. Most times, it knows me even better than I even know myself. 

My life is music set to motion. 

There are some songs that remind me so much not just of special people, but of moments I shared with them. When a particular song plays, these moments come alive in my mind and for a minute or two, I have to hold my breath and close my eyes because it doesn't just remind me of a person, or a place but of a feeling. Because for a moment there, the feeling returns and I can truly feel it in my heart. At times, it feels so real and so fresh that when my mood calls for it, I allow the feeling to linger a little more than I should and let the moments play in my mind. I let myself get lost in the feeling again, lost in the moment, even if only for a while. Most times, I end up letting out a sigh, and then a smile. Grateful that even though the moments have already come to pass, I can still vividly remember how good a certain person made me feel at one time, how a certain place made me feel like it's where I'm supposed to be, or how a moment made me wish it would never end.  Then it's gone. ;) 

It's a long-standing love affair.

Music and me. 

Now playing: Always Love (Nada Surf)

Mango Summer 2008

With our wedding coming up in less than three months, expenses have been piling up much more than we initially imagined (not a good thing at all!). So, no one understands more than me that now is not a good time to shop. Repeat: Now is not a good time to shop. Not a good time to shop. 

Not at all. 

I intend to stay as far away as I could from my favorite shops on my May trip, most especially Zara and Mango. So for now, let me just covet some of Mango's 2008 summer collections from afar. Right now, I'm really loving their Maxi dresses. 

Speaking of which, here are some non-Mango Maxi dresses I also love.

By the way, I also just found out that Mango has launched HE by Mango. Isn't that great? Now our guys have other options where they can [window]shop while they wait for us, aside from Zara Men. :)

thinking about marriage

From Mere Christianity "I Promise You"

 

"The idea that "being in love" is the only reason for remaining married really leaves no room for marriage as a contract or promise at all. If love is the whole thing, then the promise can add nothing; and if it adds nothing, then it should not be made. The curious thing is that lovers themselves, while they remain really in love, know this better than those who talk about love. As Chesterton pointed out, those who are in love have a natural inclination to bind themselves by promises. Love songs all over the world are full of vows of eternal constancy. The Christian law is not forcing upon the passion of love something which is foreign to that passion's own nature: it is demanding that lovers should take seriously something which their passion of itself impels them to do. 

And, of course, the promise, made when I am in love and because I am in love, to be true to the beloved as long as I live, commits me to being true even if I cease to be in love. A promise must be about things that I can do, about actions: no one can promise to go on feeling in a certain way. He might as well promise never to have a headache or always to feel hungry." 

-- C. S. Lewis 

excerpt from The Invitation

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring with your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. 

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!".

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand alone in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back...." 

so cute!

Just love this heart-shaped polaroid wall idea! :)

Street Style

Earlier out of boredom, I was browsing through the Face Hunter's blogsite for some street style, and came across quite a few fab outfits.

Me likey.

How 'bout you?

Chuck

I just finished the entire first season of Chuck (NBC). When I first downloaded this show, I wasn't so sure about what to expect because it isn't typically something I would choose to watch. After watching all the episodes, I found that I was glad I downloaded it. 

From the director of Charlie's Angels, Chuck is about a computer geek whose college roommate has become a rogue spy, and sends him an email with all the government's top secret information imbedded in a series of images before he gets shot. Before Chuck knows it, he has downloaded an entire server of sensitive data into his brain, thereby making him an asset of the NSA, CIA, and a bunch of other government agencies. Just like that, he now has access their most important kept secrets. 

Chuck, who works for the Nerd Herd at an electronic shop called Buy More fixing computer viruses, now has to adjust to a new lifestyle as he becomes one of the government's most precious secret agents. With such integral information in his brain, the preservation of his life has become a priority of the US government, so a NSA agent and a hot CIA agent had been assigned to protect his life. So now, Chuck has to life his normal life and keep his crappy day job, lie to his close friends and family, while saving the world from assassins and international terrorists from time to time. 

It's really just a light action/comedy with a clever script and a unique plot. It's not Alias and it doesn't even try, rather it gives a new, fun definition to being a government spy. Chuck's geekdom is very charming, making me instantly miss him when the season had to come to an end. Here's a line from the show that stuck in my head: "The next millennium belongs to the geeks!" Surely, it does! :)

Virtual Makeover

Thanks to Angela for showing me this site. :)

I love my long hair, but it gets boring from time to time. Not to mention, frustrating because it gets dry and damaged so easily. I wonder if I should try for a new hairstyle after the wedding. 

I'm seriously giving it some thought. Hmmm....

Uh oh... :)

Sometimes, I still can't believe that we're getting married already. I mean, what if I'm too young for this kind of lifetime commitment? What if I become a lousy wife? What if he turns into Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? hahaha. What the heck, HE'S THE ONE! I don't see myself spending my life with anyone one, and I can't wait! :)

Check out our wedsite.

See you at the wedding. Maybe. :D

Samantha Who?

I'm just so glad that Samantha Who? is back. This show, about Samantha Newly, who is an amnesiac, leaves you wishing for a little bit, that you were one too. I love the show. It's funny and light and it often leaves me feeling giddy and excited! Especially today after the last scene on episode 11 where Todd grabbed Samantha and kissed her. I think it looked so cute and sexy when he said, "Now look what you've made me do!?!"

Sometimes, after all the drama we're faced with in our everyday lives, we need feel good television shows like this to remind us that it's okay to laugh, at sticky situations that we sometimes end up in, and especially at ourselves. Some people may find  this show a little lame, but not me. I love Sam's character- manic, confused, child-like, and at the end of the day just another woman trying to put her life back together and trying to figure out who she really is. Watching Sam find her way through her "new" life makes me wonder what the chances are that there just might be a little bit of Sam in all of us.

countdown

Flash Countdown

when Art is Love.

Yes, we are both grown adults. But there will always be some more growing up to do.

Some more new things to learn.

Some more ways to love.

Some more experiences to live.

You are the ONLY one I want to grow up some more with, to learn all the new things with, to journey the road of life with.

You are the ONLY one I want to grow old with.

Remember the conversation we had last time? When I told you that, "If you couldn't take me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best."?

Well, you were right.

You took me at my worst.

Not only that, you also nurtured my damaged soul.

You knew how broken I was.

I wasn't just struggling to put the pieces of me back together, I was also out there searching for those pieces, missing many of those pieces.

You loved those little pieces of me. Sharp edges and all. With your bare hands. Not caring if you'll get wounded. Knowing that you will.

You loved me at my worst.

More importantly, you let me be. Broken. Damaged. Lost.

You waited, and you loved me. Never once pressured me to put the pieces back together, never attempting to fix the damage, never trying to find what's lost.

Without doing anything except love me, you have managed to make me whole again.

Just when I thought I was damaged beyond repair. You proved me wrong.

I love you more and more each day.

If only I could, I would give you the best of me everyday, but we both know that's not realistically possible given that I'm only human.

So, I'm giving you something else.

Something I've never given anyone else.

I'm giving you the rest of my life.

There is no other way I'd rather spend it than with you.

Ward 9

For the past three days, our group was assigned to the Psych ward of Zamboanga City Medical Center. For those in the know, this is also more commonly known as Ward 9.

Being the only Psych ward in the entire region 9, I somehow expected a little bit more. Silly me! Of course by now I've learned not to expect much from public hospitals in the Philippines. Unlike in other countries, health care has NEVER been a priority here anyway. Why should health be given a priority over government travels and purchase of new vehicles "for official use only"? Our health care system is just as third world as our country and just like it, it's in dire need of some sort of charity or almsgiving from, lets see, the United States maybe? 

Being there, surrounded by patients whose families and friends have abandoned them, unable to do the things they want to, confined in the premises, not knowing who they are, unable to remember important people or moments in their lives, I realized how much we take for granted everyday. Sometimes, we forget how blessed we are to have what we have, to be where we are, to know who we are, to be with people we love and love us back.  

Not only for the freedom we have that they don't, we have so many things to be thankful for. So many things that sometimes we neglect to take cognizance of, I neglect to notice because I'm too caught up with trivial matters. I realized too how selfish I can sometimes be, complaining about my life, failing to see how blessed I am, always wanting more, not appreciating the great things and wonderful people I'm surrounded with. I can't believe it took me a rotation in Ward 9 to be reminded of how lucky I am everyday. 

To Boudoir or Not To Boudoir

I'm still seriously contemplating on whether or not I should have a Boudoir session with Pat. 

I reckon I might be a little [too] self-conscious if I do this shoot. It's difficult to imagine how I can feel at ease with so little amount of clothing around people I don't really know that well. Some people might say I only want to have this pictorial because I'm [a little bit] vain, and they're probably right. But I also want to be able to give my Boudoir "book" to my husband-to-be on our wedding day coz I'm sure this is something that will really tickle his fancy! [ha! ha!] Okay, so much for surprises coz he might be reading this right now. If he is, so what? I still haven't decided anyway! Besides, I would only do it if he has been nice enough to deserve such a 'bold' present from me AND if I'm able to successfully lose the weight I want to lose (which is not an easy thing to do AT ALL). So, don't get your hopes up sweetie coz a lot of things can happen. ;)

I do know that if ever I do decide to go on with it [after my navel piercing and tattoo, of course :p], there'll be no other lenses I'd want to be under but Pat's. I know he will be able to make it tasteful, among many other things. Now, if I'm really gonna go through with this, I think I better take those hip-hop abs sessions more seriously. :)

Here are samples from Karl & Mimi and Fol Rana Jr. Oh, here's another one from Fol.

Question is, am I really gutsy enough for this?

50 Things You Didn't Know About Me! (which I highly doubt)

I'm doing this out of boredom :D

1. How tall are you barefoot?

> 5.1 (so what?)

2. Have you ever smoked?

> Socially, yes.

3. Do you own a gun?

> I wish.

4. Do you hate someone right now?

> Hmm. Hate is a pretty strong emotion. I'm not sure if anyone deserves to be able to evoke such strong feelings from me right now.

5. Do you get nervous?

> Yeah, who doesn't?

6. What do you think of hotdogs?

> Breakfast meal, with eggs!

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?

> Everything on the Carpenters' Christmas Portrait Album.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the mornings?

> Cold cold water.

9. Can you do push ups?

> Barely.

10. Can you do sit ups?

> Yeah, big deal.

11.What's your favorite piece of jewelry?

> My engagement ring. :)

12. Do you like painkillers?

> Yes, when I'm in pain.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex?

> Duh, secret?!

14. Do you own a knife?

> Not my own and it's in our kitchen with all the other knives.

15. Do you have H.I.V?

> NO.

16. Last name?

> Tan

17. Name 3 things u wanna do at this exact moment?

> Get a full body massage, be with my boyfriend, and sleep.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought lately:

> IMCI book, Salt Scrub, Junkfood.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:

> Iced tea, green tea, water.

20. What time did you wake up today?

> 12:30 pm.

22. Current worry?

> How to turn my flabs into abs.

23 Current hate?

> My flabs.

24. Favorite place to be?

> In the arms of the one I love :>

25. Least favorite place to be?

> Anywhere away from the 2 people I love the most. Guess who? :p

26. Where would you like to go?

> Venice, Fiji, and Amanpulo.

27. Do you own slippers?

> Loads.

28. What shirt are you wearing?

> The top that goes with my pajamas.

30. Favorite color?

> Red.

31.Would you like to be a pirate?

> No, but I think Kaden fancies the idea of himself being a pirate.

32. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?

> In March with Marj, Marbs, n Kei.

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?

> What ever's stuck in my head that day, I guess.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?

> Mamaw.

35.What's in your pocket/s right now?

> I have no pockets in my pajamas.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?

> Kaden.

37. Last thing that made you cry?

> The movie, One More Chance, which I only recently watched for the first time. haha!

38. Worst injury you've ever had?

> When I was kid and hit my head really hard somewhere (long story). Next thing I knew, I saw blood streaming down my face. Eww.

39. Who is your loudest friend?

> I don't know anyone louder than me :p

42. Who is your most silent friend?

> Hmmm... I have silent friends?

43. Last movie watched?

> Like in a movie house? That weird, morbid demon barber movie starring Johnny Depp.

44. What is your favorite book?

> Love Story by Erich Segal.

45. What is your favorite chocolate

> Cadbury Milk Chocolate. among others.

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?

> A lot! I'm still completing the list.

48. What were you doing 12 AM last night?

> Chatting on ym while watching Dirty Sexy Money.

49. What was the First thing you did today?

> Brushed my teeth.

50. What was the last thing you did the day before yesterday?

> Read Lovely Bones.