Well, I've been warned by so many people how wedding preparations can take its toll on just about anyone. I told myself many times over that I'm not gonna let anything get to me, but by now I've realized that it's really not that easy. Planning a wedding can be very overwhelming and downright stressful depending on how a bride paces herself. I admit being guilty of bringing stress upon myself because I choose to obsess about minute details & trivialities. I often justify it by telling myself that while these details may be unimportant to other people, they are important to me, and being the bride, it's what I think that ultimately matters. Funny how it seems to sound a bit shallow now that I'm writing about it. Hah!
I'm okaavery blessed that I have a very supportive groom who tries his very best to make me as happy a bride as can be, while the truth is, he doesn't care what kind of wedding we will have, just as long as I show up on the day and say my vows. [love you, baby!] Lately, I cant seem to help wishing more and more that we should have just had a small private exchange of vows, with the people that will really matter in the marriage: Him, me, our pastor, and God as our witness. But even then, I'd want us to have [numerous] pictorials afterwards :).
Art knows that my dream wedding is one that's small & intimate, but living in a province such as Zamboanga, that's not very easy for us to achieve. Most brides-to-be claim that in the course of planning, many unavoidable issues and conflicts will arise that can cause a strain in their relationships with the groom, and I can imagine it being most stressful considering that whatever those issues are, they can affect your future life together either directly or indirectly. Lucky for us, aside from the minimal quandary over whether we should have two sets of photographers, we had very little wedding related issues to fight or even argue about. It was mostly Art trying to make me feel better about something, supporting my decisions or lack of it, and always reminding me that no matter what, our main goal for our wedding day is to be married to each other, nothing more.
Seeing that we couldn't have the small wedding we wanted, we decided that it would be great to make our wedding a family affair, hence, our wedding date [7.12.08]. July would be the most convenient time for family members to come home and share our special day with us. The thought of having our close friends and family fly miles just to be there for our wedding meant a great deal for us, so we picked our wedding date with hopes of that. I don't know where I got the idea that weddings were a family thing, and that it brings the family closer because family members support each other and work together to make the wedding a successful one. What was I thinking?!?
Apparently, a bigger stress in the wedding preparations is when you expect some people to be there for you and they let you down. I wish someone warned me beforehand that brides & grooms should never count on anyone's word, even if it comes from a close family member, because there's nothing that could hurt more or be more disappointing than a close family member who turns their back on you last minute. A lesson learned the hard way for me, not just about wedding planning but about life itself: Never ever expect anything from anyone, because ultimately people just look out for themselves and their self-interests. Even with all Art's support, the fact that he's thousands of miles away from me makes me feel alone in all this.
I know that planning is supposed to be all fun and exciting, but it's times like these that all the supposed joy just flies out of the window. Of course, it's not right that I let one person, or two, or three even, affect my emotions big time. Getting married in itself stirs up a great deal of emotions, not just in me, but in any couple getting into a commitment as life-changing as marriage. At this point, it's kind of difficult for me to fathom how some people can be so selfish, and I cannot see how there are people who like to twists facts and sell others out just to make something of themselves. I'm angry, frustrated, hurt, & disappointed.
I'm marrying a great person, so I'm supposed to be happy! So what if there are people who let me down? What if there are others who seem to take joy in criticizing and making issues, even lies, out of what is supposed to be a happy day for me & Art? Even if they are family?
I sometimes almost forget about the wonderful people who have been there for me. At this point, I can say that after certain realizations about some family members, I have found that I have A LOT of very loyal & great friends who have really stepped up and surprised me by being there for me beyond my expectations. Thanks people, you know who you are. :)
An eye for an eye will surely make the world blind, so I'll just leave it up to the law of Karma to serve as nature's police force. What goes around comes around, and there are NO exceptions, not even for the professional liars.
Mood: frustrated
